I haven't really taken any quiet moments to look toward 2010. To think about what I want this year to look like. At this point in 2009 I simply wanted to survive. I wanted to live one day at a time, not drinking.
And I succeeded!
Now I want more. I don't want to simply get by. I want to do more than is required. I want to finish things before the last minute. I want to make an impact.
I realize that I am impacting three sweet lives, whether for the good or not, each day. The Lord has blessed me with a 1st grader, a kindergartner and a 2.5 year old. Whew! I want to be intentional in my relationships with them. I want to create a home that is their safe place to rest, a comfort for all times.
I want to be sober to do all these things. I will be sober to do all these things.
I have a sponsor. I have meetings. I have steps to work.
As I was running yesterday I thought about the fact that a year into this sobriety thing and I am only on step 4. I am feeling ok. I am pretty strong most of the time. Maybe I don't need to finish the steps. Maybe I can do without the amends or the inventory or the journaling.
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
After next week my sponsor and I are getting back on track. Her daughter is about to get married and we took a break over the last few weeks. I know she'll ask the tough questions. And I want to find the answers.
Even when its hard. When when it hurts.
Because I want more.
What do you want in 2010?