It has been quite some time since I have posted. Our computer has been broken for months so I generally use my phone to look at facebook, etc and when I am on a full size computer it is just for a few minutes. So what have I been up to?
I spent the fall in lots of prayer. 2 people I went to high school with died from cancer. It was a sad sad time, but also a time of thanksgiving, as they traded their sick earthly bodies for heavenly wings. I spent some time fantasizing about what would happen if either my husband or I got cancer, but not too much time....
I also started a new job. I have spent the last 6+ years working in a church environment. An environment that both hurt me as I had to hide my drinking for the last 3 years I drank and then embraced me with untold support as I got sober. It was a place full of folks I loved, however in the spring it became clear that it was time to move on. I was not enjoying my job at all and I stepped out in faith that the Lord had somewhere else for me to serve.
Indeed, He did......an elementary school! It is a fabulous job yet it has tested me every step of the way. I am doing something I have never done before. I am the assistant, whereas I've always been the lead. I am working in a secular setting as opposed to a church or synagogue, where I've always worked before.
I have cried as work. I have laughed. I have been hugged, hit, told 'I love you', pinched, and done push ups with two particular third graders. It has been humbling, to say the least.
And thru it all I have remained sober. I have! There are just enough coworkers who know me, really know me, that I am held accountable. And by the end of the semester there were even more folks who knew about my struggles and my choices. Not details, mind you, but enough to know not to get me a bottle of wine for a Secret Santa gift!
So, I've been here, busy living life, raising my babes, loving my mister and making the choice not to drink.
Happy New Year!
~there IS hope!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Three years!
On December 15th I picked up my 3 year coin. Wait! My sobriety date is December 16, how could I get it early? Yeah, that bothered me too. The meeting I attend is on Thursday nights. And we were taking two weeks off for the holidays. My sponsor said she thought it was ok if I got it a few hours early, 730pm the night before my actual date.
By Wednesday of that week I was honestly not sure I was going to make it to Thursday! It was a hard, hard night. My mister was teaching and my kids were pushing every stinkin' button I have. I literally had to breath thru each thought of relapase. And there was even beer in my fridge that a less than thoughtful younger cousin left there. I texted a friend to come by and get the beer but she was at a Christmas party and didn't get the text til way later.
The thought that got me thru? How many folks I would have to tell that I had drank. That seems shallow and prideful and perhaps it is, but it worked....I have an amazing support system of people who love me and pray for me and think I can do this, with the Lord's help, and I didn't want to let them down. So I didn't drink. I probably ate a bunch of crap, but at the time it seemed like a better idea. {My sugar addiction will be dealt with in the new year}
The next day I went through the motions, dragging my feet up the stairs to my meeting, a few minutes late. As I walked through the doors they were singing. Singing "Come, All Ye Faithful" The first line says 'Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant'
Faithful. Joyful. TRIUMPHANT!
It hit me, hit me hard. I was triumphant! I had not had a drink when I wanted one so badly. There was even beer in my fridge and no one around who would know if I had any and I abstained. Oh, thank you Jesus, for your strength and grace! And as I walked up to the front to get my chip I was fully aware and grateful for that very moment.
yes. there IS hope~
By Wednesday of that week I was honestly not sure I was going to make it to Thursday! It was a hard, hard night. My mister was teaching and my kids were pushing every stinkin' button I have. I literally had to breath thru each thought of relapase. And there was even beer in my fridge that a less than thoughtful younger cousin left there. I texted a friend to come by and get the beer but she was at a Christmas party and didn't get the text til way later.
The thought that got me thru? How many folks I would have to tell that I had drank. That seems shallow and prideful and perhaps it is, but it worked....I have an amazing support system of people who love me and pray for me and think I can do this, with the Lord's help, and I didn't want to let them down. So I didn't drink. I probably ate a bunch of crap, but at the time it seemed like a better idea. {My sugar addiction will be dealt with in the new year}
The next day I went through the motions, dragging my feet up the stairs to my meeting, a few minutes late. As I walked through the doors they were singing. Singing "Come, All Ye Faithful" The first line says 'Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant'
Faithful. Joyful. TRIUMPHANT!
It hit me, hit me hard. I was triumphant! I had not had a drink when I wanted one so badly. There was even beer in my fridge and no one around who would know if I had any and I abstained. Oh, thank you Jesus, for your strength and grace! And as I walked up to the front to get my chip I was fully aware and grateful for that very moment.
yes. there IS hope~
Thursday, April 28, 2011
there IS hope~
On Tuesday I was asked to share a devotional with my Bible study group. I have been studying with these ladies since October, though I can't say I know any one of them supremely well. I decided I would share a little of my story. I would come clean with them. I would announce my alcoholism. And then I would share the changes that have occurred as a result of my obedience to the Holy Spirit and my 12 step program.
As I boldly spoke about my disease and how confession and each step has helped me, I noticed a woman crying across the circle. A few ladies had teared up, I could tell, but this woman was weeping. As we talked after my sharing she told me her father was drinking again. He was back to his old tricks, he was sneaking and lying and choosing to drink.
And she was weeping not because he was drinking but because of her hope in my victory. Just the day before she was researching online the recovery program I am part of. And she had no idea about me or what I would share just 24 hrs later.
She felt hopeless and then renewed.
She was sad, hurt and worried and left with a sense of urgency and direction to share with her father.
I say none of this to imply it was because of me. Indeed, it was not. I served only as proof of what is possible with the Holy Spirit. My God is a God of miracles and I am evidence of that. And Tuesday was just one more example of the Lord's impeccable timing. It shouldn't surprise like it does.
My God IS mighty to save.
And there IS hope~
Happy Thursday.
As I boldly spoke about my disease and how confession and each step has helped me, I noticed a woman crying across the circle. A few ladies had teared up, I could tell, but this woman was weeping. As we talked after my sharing she told me her father was drinking again. He was back to his old tricks, he was sneaking and lying and choosing to drink.
And she was weeping not because he was drinking but because of her hope in my victory. Just the day before she was researching online the recovery program I am part of. And she had no idea about me or what I would share just 24 hrs later.
She felt hopeless and then renewed.
She was sad, hurt and worried and left with a sense of urgency and direction to share with her father.
I say none of this to imply it was because of me. Indeed, it was not. I served only as proof of what is possible with the Holy Spirit. My God is a God of miracles and I am evidence of that. And Tuesday was just one more example of the Lord's impeccable timing. It shouldn't surprise like it does.
My God IS mighty to save.
And there IS hope~
Happy Thursday.
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