Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Wise Proverb

A few weeks ago I was having a rough evening. Not necessarily wanting to drink, but just having a hard time controlling my emotions. I stopped by my sponsor's house and she happened to be reading in the book of Proverbs {I don't believe in coincidences...}
Here are the words she read aloud to me:

Don't drink too much wine and get drunk; don't eat too much food and get fat. Drunks and gluttons will end up on skid row, in a stupor and dressed in rags.Who are the people who are always crying the blues? Who do you know who reeks of self-pity? Who keeps getting beat up for no reason at all? Whose eyes are bleary and bloodshot? It's those who spend the night with a bottle, for whom drinking is serious business. Don't judge wine by its label, or its bouquet, or its full-bodied flavor. Judge it rather by the hangover it leaves you with - the splitting headache, the queasy stomach. Do you really prefer seeing double, with your speech all slurred, Reeling and seasick, drunk as a sailor? "They hit me," you'll say, "but it didn't hurt; they beat on me, but I didn't feel a thing. When I'm sober enough to manage it, bring me another drink!" 

Proverbs 23:20, 29-35, The Message
The program I am in is faith based. I know without a doubt that I would not be able to remain sober without the help of Jesus Christ. He is my portion, my strength, my only hope.

And there IS hope-
Happy Tuesday~

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Yesterday was a green holiday. It was a beer holiday. It was an excuse to start drinking at 9 am and go on and on and on.

That isn't what I did.

And I didn't miss it. Honestly, since having children my days of patio sitting, beer swilling, relaxing buzz catching had dwindled to near nothingness. My drinking became huge gulps when no one was looking, refilling my wine glass as I rushed thru dinner preparations, and drinking from a coffee cup as I watched afternoon cartoons on pbs.

Not exactly fun or fashionable.

I am grateful I no longer have to attempt to drink like a grown up or set boundaries for myself that I couldn't keep or promise myself that next time would be different. My brain is damaged. My body is was addicted to alcohol.

I've been sober for 15 months.

And for that I am thankful.
Happy Thursday~

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Looking back-

This is an entry from my prayer journal, March 13, 2009:

O my God- You have done great things. In me. For me. In spite of me. Thank you for continuing after me, for not giving up. For thinking I am worth more than being a 31 yr old alcoholic. Thank you for the good time with Dr. Q on Weds. It is going to be a tough journey and I will need so much help, but I really want to break through some of this.

That was one year ago. I have made progress, and I am still on a tough journey. But many things have gotten easier. And I have needed so much help, but many have been willing to stand beside me.

I am blessed.

Happy Saturday~

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thankful Thursday

This is what I posted on my other blog today----

So, then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6&7

That last part describes me right now... overflowing with thankfulness. I have had a really great week and today in Bible study, as the teacher lectured, I was blown away by my place in this world. I have made some pretty major life changes over the last year or so and things just keep getting better and better.

I became a Christian in the summer of 1991. I have loved Jesus with all of my heart ever since. There were moments that I was head over heels in love with Him, and my actions reflected that. There were other times that He was on the back burner, always there, but sometimes I turned Him down to low heat.

I am reading in Genesis about Jacob and his sons and their choices. I feel a little like Jacob. Sometimes I looked to God, asked His opinions, sought wisdom from the Word. Many decisions I made were made relying only on my own knowledge.

While I have remained safe and healthy all these years, I wonder about the blessings I missed out on when my life was not in line with the Lord's plan for me. I grieve for the choices that were unhealthy, unsafe and just plain wrong. There are earthly consequences I will face on this earth, though I am forgiven in Heaven. I thank the Lord over and over again for His mercy and grace.

I am looking to Him these days. I am listening more, reading more, asking more, kneeling more. And I am hearing more. This week there have been two instances when I had a physical reaction while praying. I felt the Holy Spirit in my bones. It felt good.

And I am overflowing with thankfulness.

Happy Thursday~

Monday, March 8, 2010

Bouncy Ball

That is totally how I felt today.

Yesterday I woke up in a funk. Happens occasionally. Had some nagging doubts about the day before and they didn't leave overnight. Went to church. On the way I saw the runners in the local half marathon. I started crying. Really crying. I honked my horn, knowing that the particular part of the course I was driving was really really hard, having run it last year.

Went into church. Kinda kept to myself. Which is not like me. Felt teary eyed for no particular reason. After church I brought the babes home and the husband went into the office for a few hours. I changed into pjs and crawled back into bed, wishing I could stay there all afternoon.

Instead an hour later I changed back into church clothes and went to the visitation of a friend from high school's grandmother. Cried the whole way there. Really, what was with me yesterday? After the visitation we went as a family to a team party. It was fun and I got to hold warm sweet puppies.

After the party I went to the grocery store and started crying AGAIN. I texted my sponsor and she told me to come over. With my trunk full of groceries, I did. We talked for a few minutes, then knelt over her ottoman and she prayed. I listened and dripped snot.

Takes a true friend to let you drip snot on her ottoman!

Came home, went to bed and when I woke up this morning all was new. I was happy, joyful even. Singing with my kids, not yelling at all. And the good mood lasted all day and I am still feeling it right now as I make dinner. Nothing else is different. My kids are still fighting. I am still running late. But I am happy.

I enjoy the highs of my mood swings, but wish they were not preceded by such funky lows.

How are you today?
Happy Monday~

Friday, March 5, 2010


This was a super long week. On Tuesday my mother in law was not elected to the office she was campaigning for. My most favoritest cousin came to visit for 5 days. And last night I gave my testimony at my meeting.

It was such a freeing time. It feels so good to finally be honest. At the end of my drinking I was leading such a double life that the deception was eating me alive. And it happens no more. I really thought I'd be more nervous. I had read it aloud to my sponsor on Weds and she thought it was good as it was. I made it bigger font, printed out another copy and headed up to the meeting.

My name was big on the program. People wished me luck. My armpits started to sweat. But I bowed my head and prayed with the group before I started and the Lord blessed my time. My words were generally easy off my tongue and I didn't get too choked up. And when I finished I looked to my sponsor and she was crying. Oh how I love her!

And then it was over!

I am tired from all that has transpired this week and am planning on hitting the hay rather soon. The husband is playing poker {blecht} and he is getting a ride home, so I may just move the clean laundry off the bed and crawl in.

Thank goodness for Saturdays!
Happy Friday~