TGIF!

This was a super long week. On Tuesday my mother in law was not elected to the office she was campaigning for. My most favoritest cousin came to visit for 5 days. And last night I gave my testimony at my meeting.

It was such a freeing time. It feels so good to finally be honest. At the end of my drinking I was leading such a double life that the deception was eating me alive. And it happens no more. I really thought I'd be more nervous. I had read it aloud to my sponsor on Weds and she thought it was good as it was. I made it bigger font, printed out another copy and headed up to the meeting.

My name was big on the program. People wished me luck. My armpits started to sweat. But I bowed my head and prayed with the group before I started and the Lord blessed my time. My words were generally easy off my tongue and I didn't get too choked up. And when I finished I looked to my sponsor and she was crying. Oh how I love her!

And then it was over!

I am tired from all that has transpired this week and am planning on hitting the hay rather soon. The husband is playing poker {blecht} and he is getting a ride home, so I may just move the clean laundry off the bed and crawl in.

Thank goodness for Saturdays!
Happy Friday~

My First Meeting

I headed to a 7 pm meeting. I left my house at 645, stopped to get gas and bought a coke. Just that day my dr prescribed an anti anxiety medicine and I had one in my pocket. I actually had 2 in my pocket, just in case.....

As I was pumping the gas I thought, yes, this would be the time to take such a medication. So I took one. Then I took the other one.

I arrived in the parking lot. Thought about not going in. Figured everyone in such a predicament thinks about not going in.

I walked into the building and found the room. Everyone in the room seemed to know each other. It was very near Christmas and there appeared to be a lot of joy in that room. I was not feeling it....

I took a seat near the front, because all the other folks were gathered in the back. As soon as I sat down I started crying. Someone called me by name and I turned and it was the husband of someone I worked with. Totally freaked me out and I started crying harder.

The woman I had talked to on the phone came over and introduced herself, hugged me and told me she was glad I was there. I don't remember what I said, but it was thru my continuous tears. The worship leader started singing and I heard their voices, rising to praise the Lord.

My Lord. The same Lord that had kept me safe over 14 years of irresponsible drinking. The Lord that called me at least two previous times to quit drinking. I was completely ashamed, totally embarrassed about where I was and unable to even move my lips along with the words.

During the small group time my crying continued. I crossed my legs and my foot shook so incessantly, I am surprised it didn't fall of. I was able to say my name, but that was all.

I was not happy to be at that meeting. I did decide to go again, to give it a try, for at least 6 months. That was 364 days ago.

My foot doesn't shake any more. I rarely cry, unless they are tears of intense gratitude. And this Christmas, I will also be full of that joy I witnessed last year in my very first meeting.

Happy Wednesday~