I remain thankful-

Its true, I do. I read 1,000 Gifts a few weeks ago and my eyes were opened to the daily blessings bestowed upon me. I have taken to writing in a spiral my list, my gifts, my joy. I want to see joy, to see gifts in every thing, though I don't always succeed.

Last night I took my babes to a worship concert at church. We arrived a few minutes late, slipped in the back and within minutes my hands were raised in praise. Then my 8 year old pulled my arms down. During the next song, I again, without conscious thought raised my limbs in response to the love in my heart. Again my off spring pulled my arms down.

I chose to not get frustrated. It worked!

We drove around after the concert, my kids were so happy, we were enjoying the bit of coolness that the afternoon rains brought. Laughing, singing, exploring roads we've never driven before.

Then things turned south. The laughing turned to squealing. Turned to shrieking. My head hurt. I asked them to control the volume. I asked again. Yelled. Stopped the car.

When we entered our neighborhood I opened the door and told my youngest two to jump out and run home. I had had too much and didn't want to yell in response to their high decibel levels. Laughing, they tumbled out of the car and sprinted the block home. And I was thankful, even then, for their health and joy and exuberance (isn't that a fun word?). Yet I was not thankful for the headache pounding behind my eyes.

So, I haven't quite mastered the 'Give thanks in all circumstances' command in 1 Thessalonians. Do we ever get there? Is anyone thankful ALL THE TIME? I don't know. But I do know I am given gifts daily. And as much as I can I will see thru the lens of gratefulness.

and there IS hope~

10 things I will tell my children about my drinking

1* Drinking made me sick. Almost every time I drank more than 3 or 4 I threw up. It didn't phase me. It is gross to throw up and not care.
2*I fell once while in college and hurt my hip. I had to limp to class and that hip is STILL ornery when I run.
3*Drunk dialing/emailing/texting cannot be fixed in the morning.
4*My dad's drinking scared me when I was growing up. There IS a family history of drinking problems on our family.
5*I tried to quit 3 times before December 16, 2008
6*I always thought I could handle more than I could.
7*I was part of a drinking organization in college and took part in hazing. It was very dangerous and I am grateful nothing happened.
8*I didn't know people could have fun and let loose without drinking. No one ever told me that and I didn't witness it at home.
9*Often internal controls told me what I was doing was wrong and I ignored them. I should have paid more attention.
10*My years of drinking bring me great sadness.

What will you tell your children?
Happy Tuesday~

Sobriety Sunday

I've been trying to post since last night about how I knew it was time to get help, but it seems I have three little beings near me at all times, ha!

I will keep trying to write.....

There IS hope!

Splash de limon`

I am sitting in my dining room listening to Julie Andrews sing "Just a Spoonful of Sugar" and drinking lemon water. And I am content.

A little frazzled, maybe.

But not agitated. Or goofy. Or slipping further and further into a buzz that would lead to sleep whether I wanted it to or not.

At the end of my drinking I was into sangria. My husband would buy big jugs from the grocery store and I poured it into mason jars to sip. Mmmmm.......still sounds good. But after two glasses, er, jars of my sauce I didn't much care about anything else.

My kids could eat whatever they wanted. The dishes could sit until tomorrow. Things I'd said I'd do could definitely wait til later. The stress of the week seemingly slid away as the cool juice slid down my throat.

I must remember how it used to be.

Because it must never happen again.

Happy Saturday!

Just Saturday!

Today has been good. Not super. Nothing too exciting. But good.

We had a basketball game for my 6 year old. I matched up about 15 pairs of socks. Ate roast from the crock pot. Watched some tv.

Normal stuff.

I also wiped noses. Butts. Did some dishes.

Normal stuff.

And I did it all sober. Without the lightness that used to come with a glass or two of wine.

And I'll do it again tomorrow.

Happy Saturday~

My kids-

I have three babes. A 1st grader, kindergartner and 2 1/2 yr old........not too hard to imagine why I drank ;)

I am grateful my children are still young. I am hopeful they won't even remember that I ever drank.

But I am not going to hide the fact that I drank from them. Much, ok, all of their extended family drinks. I cannot drill into their heads that alcohol is evil or that people who drink are bad. I can just imagine the next family dinner when my 6 yr old comes to the table and informs my mother that indeed she is killing her brain cells with each glass of wine.

Yeah, wouldn't go over well.

So, what am I going to tell them? How much information is too much? How much knowledge is necessary for power?

It is very clear to me that alcoholism runs in my family. And to a much lesser degree, my husband's. So I must inform them of the dangers. I want to live in such a way that they realize life is such fun and completely fulfilling without alcohol. I cannot forbid them to drink, I wouldn't want them to drink simply out of rebellion.

However, I will be honest enough with them about my experiences that it seems unattractive and not worth the momentary buzz. I will strive to be age appropriate and not give them more than they can handle, nor sugar coat things way past the right time.

This is a journey and I will ask others who have gone before me what worked for them and what didn't. I will spend many hours in prayer and ask the Lord to direct my steps.

I WILL NOT DRINK AGAIN.

What do you think you'll tell your children?