Offline

My husband and I had a good talk tonight as we walked the babes to the park. Yea!!

We came to the same conclusion - I am dangerously close to addicted to email and FB. Therefore I am unplugging my computer and taking it to the garage in the morning.

Drastic? Yes. But so is the harm that could come to my face to face relationships.

I'll be back. I just don't know when.

Yet, there IS hope!

19 months

Today marks the 19th month of my sobriety. I am closer to two years than I was yesterday. This is a point to which I have never made it before. Yesterday a friend sent me a message, congratulating me on my 19 months and I had actually forgot. I am not working right now, so I am not always exactly aware of the date.

These last 19 months have been intense. I have been pruned, torn, rebuilt, watered. I have had hours and hours of wisdom poured into my life. I've given encouraging texts late at night. I've cried, yelled, laughed, whispered. Sometimes I forgot for a few days, even, about my sobriety. Moments didn't arise where I was faced with the decision of saying no. Other times I was painfully aware of this new reality.

In this process I have grown much closer to the Lord and have discovered a chasm between me and my parents. I don't know if it will ever be crossed, but I do know I have a friend that prays daily that my sobriety will have a ripple effect in my family. Honestly, I don't often think that is possible.

This past week has been tough. I am facing another hurdle and seeking advice, prayers, laughter from others. I am grateful for my program, I know that this week would have been immeasurably harder had I still been drinking or stuck at step 1. After my meeting last night a woman stayed after and talked with me for 20 minutes. She has walked in shoes that are similar to mine. She could feel my unrest, my sadness, though it was not her own. She offered her thoughts, clarifying that they were just HER thoughts, based on HER life experience. I am taking to heart what she had to say. I am trying to organize the chaos in my brain and take it to God.

Because I have been sober for 19 months I know that this is just a bump in the road, just a dip on my roller coaster. Things will improve, nothing is permanent. And I'm not drinking as I process.

because there IS hope~
Happy Friday!

so remember that part in that prayer i posted yesterday, that part about recognizing the schemes of the enemy and fleeing? oh, he's scheming alright. and i am fighting back. i just need to focus on who the enemy is. and it isn't my mister.

Faith on a Friday

Last night I helped run the Newcomer's Meeting. This is the second time I've done this. I was excited, anxious and honestly not at all nervous. In the last month I have really felt like it is time to share my story. I am a changed person, given another shot at doing things right, redeemed by grace.

This gift is amazing to me and I want others to feel the same freedom from bondage  that I have experienced and continue to experience each day. On the way home from my meeting I called my sponsor to tell her how it went. I was bursting with emotion, so happy to be free of shame and grateful to be right where I was, sharing and hugging and encouraging.

I emailed a friend when I got home and she wrote back, celebrating with me, and she wrote a prayer that brought tears to my eyes. I also wrote a prayer that I hope to print out and repeat daily as I continue on my journey of sobriety.

I pray for you, too, as we struggle well together on this road.
there IS hope~

Dear Heavenly Father- I thank you for the grace you have shown me, for the love you have given me and for the safe place you have brought me. I am Your creation and I desire to live a life that is a pure reflection of your spirit.
When I am wrong, please let me promptly admit it and help me to be a strength to others, a beacon to them, drawing them near to you. Thank you for the wise people you have placed in my life who love You and love me and that are able to be a guiding force in my life. Allow me to pass that on to others.
Lord, please protect me from the enemy, allow me to quickly see his schemes and to cling to You and flee from him.
Lord I ask you to provide an outlet for this amazing grace I have been given and that you would also protect my heart from the sin of pride. I am anxious to share all I have been given, boldly and without shame. Thank you thank you thank you for your provision and abundance. Please cover my family and keep us in your arms. In Your Most Holy and Precious name I give you all things- Amen.

Ten Things I FEEL Now

Like many of you, I drank when I wanted to feel numb. To feel nothing. These last 18 months have been full of feelings. Some good. Some bad.

Here are 10 things I have felt while sober

*Uncomfortable- especially in social situations when I know no one
*Relieved - when I wake up in the morning without guilt or remorse
*Sad- especially in the beginning, thinking I would never again feel a buzz
*Exhilarated- when I worked step 4 and 5!
*Aggravated - OFTEN as the mother of young children....a prime reason I drank daily!
*Surprised - This weekend when my mom acknowledged the fact I hadn't drank in over 18 months
*Proud- When I got my 1 yr chip
*Scared- when I stood before my home group and I said "I'm an alcoholic" for the first time
*Frustrated- as my mister and I figure out how his drinking will look in our lives
*Hopeful- as I venture into helping other women who struggle as I do. I hugged another alcoholic today and told her she would be fine. And I believe it!

How are YOU feeling today?
there IS hope~

Monday Question of the Day~

When I 'took a break' from drinking in 2001 I allowed myself to drink whatever I wanted that didn't include alcohol. Besides drinking alcohol I tried to drink diet everything else. To get no calories from my beverages. Of course, getting a buzz was more important than cutting calories, so all bets were off when it came to alcoholic beverages.

But when I stopped drinking I let myself have real cokes, smoothies, fruit juice, things I normally 'sacrificed' in the name of watching my weight.

Another instance of brain damage.

While we were in Hawaii in June I drank fruit juice but I am basically back in the camp of few calories from beverages. I drink diet if I drink soda, but generally I drink unsweet iced tea and water with lime. My new favorite is a hard peppermint candy in my iced tea. Yum!

What is your favorite thing to drink right now?
Happy Monday!
there IS hope~