Today marks the 19th month of my sobriety. I am closer to two years than I was yesterday. This is a point to which I have never made it before. Yesterday a friend sent me a message, congratulating me on my 19 months and I had actually forgot. I am not working right now, so I am not always exactly aware of the date.
These last 19 months have been intense. I have been pruned, torn, rebuilt, watered. I have had hours and hours of wisdom poured into my life. I've given encouraging texts late at night. I've cried, yelled, laughed, whispered. Sometimes I forgot for a few days, even, about my sobriety. Moments didn't arise where I was faced with the decision of saying no. Other times I was painfully aware of this new reality.
In this process I have grown much closer to the Lord and have discovered a chasm between me and my parents. I don't know if it will ever be crossed, but I do know I have a friend that prays daily that my sobriety will have a ripple effect in my family. Honestly, I don't often think that is possible.
This past week has been tough. I am facing another hurdle and seeking advice, prayers, laughter from others. I am grateful for my program, I know that this week would have been immeasurably harder had I still been drinking or stuck at step 1. After my meeting last night a woman stayed after and talked with me for 20 minutes. She has walked in shoes that are similar to mine. She could feel my unrest, my sadness, though it was not her own. She offered her thoughts, clarifying that they were just HER thoughts, based on HER life experience. I am taking to heart what she had to say. I am trying to organize the chaos in my brain and take it to God.
Because I have been sober for 19 months I know that this is just a bump in the road, just a dip on my roller coaster. Things will improve, nothing is permanent. And I'm not drinking as I process.
because there IS hope~