How I knew it was time-
Once, in 2002 I quit drinking. I felt very clearly that I was not being a good example and that I needed to quit for awhile and really get control of things. I stopped in February, got pregnant in August and didn't drink again until the following June.
In June of 2008 I was very drunk at a local street festival. The following week I was talking to a relatively new aquaintence and she brought up a mutual friend. I asked her how she knew I knew Roxanne. She looked at me, completely baffled. Apparently the three of us had a conversation that I recalled none of. I quit drinking at that point for two months.
My sister was getting married and there were showers and parties and I started drinking again. It was slow for a few weeks, but by November I was drinking daily. In December I woke up after passing out on the living room floor at a game night with some of my husband's work friends. Some of whom I didn't even know. As I laid awake in bed that night, totally hating myself, making deals with God and unable to sleep, I knew I needed help.
I had tried it on my own and failed. I come from a long line of alcoholics, so it wasn't a huge surprise. However, no one I had ever known had gotten sober.
This was a whole new ballgame. I finally realized that it didn't matter if I was embarrassed, I still needed help. And while I hyperventilated the first 3 or 4 times someone I knew walked into a meeting, crying and shaking, my sponsor literally held my hand and helped me through it, whispering, they are here too.......
It has gotten easier but I know, KNOW, K.N.O.W. I would be drinking again if I hadn't gotten help. Do you want help?