Thankful Thursday

The sun is beautiful here today. We have had a crazy week of weather, mild 60s to snow to mild to rain. What a wild ride!

I have been working on my story, my testimony, what the Lord has done in my life. It has been hard and it has been healing. I will be sharing it at my meeting next week. Yikes!

Here is a paragraph I wrote this afternoon:

I am grateful for the Lord and for the people he has blessed my life with. I have made deep relationships with people over the last months that would not have come about had I never struggled with my drinking. And though I wish I was not an alcoholic, I do NOT wish I didn't have these friendships.

Today I am grateful for those friendships. AND I am grateful I am not drinking today.

What are YOU thankful for?

Happy Thursday~ 

Triggers

I started drinking in high school because it seemed like a pretty cool thing to do. I remember being at a party one of the first times I was out drinking. We were sitting around a table playing a drinking game. I got up to go to the bathroom and was instantly aware I was drunk. I liked that feeling. I liked feeling woozy, a little off balance. As I made my way back from the bathroom to the keg a guy named George kissed me. I didn't know Geroge, but I didn't care that he kissed me.

As I went through the rest of high school and college I drank often, just to have a good time. I don't really remember drinking to relieve stress or because I was in a bad mood. And I don't know when that switch happened. I am trying to think back to when that became more the norm.

At one point in 2007 I got into a disagreement with my father {a high functioning alcoholic} and it turned pretty ugly. My family was going with my inlaws to a local rodeo and while they waited in the car I came back in to the kitchen and drank vodka straight from the bottle. I remember I was SO MAD at my dad and my response was to drink. The very ironic part was that the fight with my dad was about his drinking.

I had two, then three young children and my daily frustration level was getting higher. Drinking in the afternoon seemed to calm my nerves. I sometimes got irritated when I felt someone was criticizing my parenting. Drinking made me care a little bit less.Once I was going to a social at a Bible study group where I knew very few people. I drank before I went and felt more comfortable mingling with the ladies.

Those instances are clear times I was drinking to cope with my feelings. I have had to learn to deal with my feelings without alcohol. I can't say it has been easy. I can't say I do it right. I can say I haven't had a drink, but I have yelled, cried, gone silent, left the room.

I have also had successful moments. I have gotten through the tough times and felt better afterwards. Those carry me through. I still have trigger moments. I am still learning.

This is a bit rambly....what triggers you?
Happy Wednesday~

Ten things I haven't done-

Ten things I haven't done since I quit drinking

*Lied at work
*Laid awake at night, hating myself
*Made a roadie in a sonic cup
*Taken alcohol from my inlaws
*Driven with my kids in the car, risking their lives and many others
*Had a conversation about a conversation I didn't remember
*Ingested hundreds of empty calories
*Passed out on the couch
*Drank enough before a social event that by the time I got there I was already quite toasted
*Thrown up

What haven't you done?
What will you do today?
Happy Tuesday!