Thankful Thursday

Today I have much to be thankful for. I am sober. Almost 42 months sober. That is gift in itself.

Yet, I have been given more. SO much more.

1.My girl is having a blast at her first church camp
2.My youngest says 'I love you, Mama!' unprompted several times a day
3. I'm having lunch with a friend today
4.It rained on Tuesday
5.I was able to run and walk 4 miles this morn

What are YOU thankful for?

there IS hope~

Thankful Thursday on a Friday

I just finished the book 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. The writing is beautiful, it is poetic. Sometimes I found myself reading the same line three times to soak in the imagery. The general gist of the book is to be grateful, right where you stand, for the blessings the Lord bestows. Early in the story Ann is challenged to make a list of one thousand gifts in her life.

I felt challenged to start the same list and last night I turned to the first page in a very ordinary yellow spiral notebook to number blessings from the day. I wrote down five....

1. Bedtime prayers
2. Betty
3.Candy's voice
4.Breeze at tennis
5. texts from Mrs. Dana

I want to get to 1000. I want to get to 10,000. Because I know that He gives us more than we can even fathom. I want to notice His gifts. I want to accept His gifts. I want to pass on His gifts to others.

there IS hope~

...now that's fun!....

I have an assignment. I need to redefine fun. It became clear to my my counselor this week that I still define drinking as 'fun'. And when I can't drink in certain situations I get all bent out of shape. Last week it was a dinner, poolside. I sent my sponsor a text that read 'Can I have one corona by the pool?' She immediately wrote back 'No.'

Why did I want a corona? That wasn't my favorite beer back in the day. But have you seen those commercials? Corona makes the world slip away and suddenly you are on a private beach with nary a care and all is beautiful and perfect.

Um, not exactly reality.

My reality is that I am an alcoholic. One beer would not have done it for me. It might have worked Saturday night, but I know that Sunday would have found me figuring out another reason to just have one drink. And the next time it would probably be two. Soon I'd throw up. Or drive. Or flirt too heavily.

Yes, my reality does not involve white sandy beaches, it involves black outs, drunk driving and close calls.

So why do I still wish I could have a drink sometimes? Why am I a little peeved to not be going to the staff party tonight after I found out on facebook that there will be over 250 jello shots? I don't want others to not drink around me, necessarily, I just wish so much of social life didn't revolve around drinking. I wish it didn't seem to be everywhere.

I have had fun times without drinking these last 3 1/2 years. Lots and lots of seriously, pant-wetting fun. It is true. So I need to think on those moments and fill my head with memories of fun where drinking wasn't involved. And I know that society isn't going to change, alcohol is a big part of how folks do life. So I need to learn to deal.

And I will, one day at a time.
because there IS hope~

PS- What do YOU do for fun?