Tire tracks

Last week I got thrown under the bus. Not literally, of course, but it hurt so bad it might as well have been me on the asphalt with a yellow dog steam rolling across my shoulder blades.

It happened at work. Caught me quite off guard. My supervisor told me that an entire group of people at work were uncomfortable with me. That they felt like I was spying, telling our boss things.  I will freely admit that I text too much. I was encouraged to text less a few months ago, did well for a few days and soon was back to my thumb loving self. When I find lag time I feel the need to communicate with others. It isn't right. I realize that.

What I didn't realize is that others in the room assumed I was passing on information to the higher ups. It seems preposterous to me. First of all, there is no info to pass on, all do their job quite well. Secondly, my boss would never put up with it. And third, I thought I was friends with these people. Like real, I-got-your-back, friends.

And if we were connected like I thought, then my friends would know that I wouldn't do that, if there was even anything to do. And, being a people pleaser, it tore me up to think that an entire subset of coworkers were unhappy with me. To know that they had talked about me and come to the conclusion that I was making their life harder, and less enjoyable.

I cried. I offered to go to them, to face them and tell them I hadn't done such things. See, in my program step 10 says to take a personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it. While I hadn't passed on info, I had done something to make them think it had happened. I was ready to look into their eyes and ask for forgiveness. I was told to let my supervisor handle it. I thanked her for going to bat for me, for defending me. {And while I didn't face them as a group, I have gone to several of them, one on one and apologized. It has been well received and accepted.}

Later in the day I learned that perhaps my supervisor was told an inflated version of the story. That maybe they weren't ALL upset with me. That maybe one of the coworkers tends to overreact and exaggerate.  I felt relieved, frustrated, angry and still upset.

Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this woman is really hurting. To accuse another of such things in the manner that she did is ugly. It is rude and spiteful. And I know that hurt people hurt people. So I did what would have been impossible three years ago. I decided to pray for this woman. That she might feel safe and secure and loved.

Don't get me wrong, I am keeping a professional distance from her. No personal questions about the weekend or reading her Mother's Day cards she has propped up on display on her desk. I am not my jovial, super friendly self when we pass in the hall. But I am making eye contact, doing my job and speaking to her.

And I am no longer speaking much of this incident. It was a lesson to me. A hard, painful lesson, but aren't so many that way?

there IS hope~