You aren't a very good wife. Your husband cleans better than you do. He makes the lunches. He folds laundry. He works full time and still cleans the bathroom twice as often as you. You leave early in the morning and he has to let the dog out. You spend evenings out without asking him. You are not a good wife.
You still can't do your job very well. That student doesn't act that way for anyone but you. Shouldn't you be able to do this by now? Why can't you remember how to do that, she told you how yesterday. No one else cries so easily. You aren't good at your job.
You are not a very good mother. You stood at the front door this morning and yelled "Are you dumb?" as they played in the rain. They ignore you half the time. You lose pieces of their uniforms. You forget to sign their binder. You aren't a very good mother.
You are not a very good friend. You talk too much. You text too often. You tell people more than they care to know. You try too hard to please too many. You are not a very good friend.
These are the lies that have been swirling in my head the last day or so. I fight any one of them at any given moment, but yesterday the weight of all 4 major lies felt heavy on my shoulders. Generally, I can have a bad day in one arena, but feel pretty strong in another. Yesterday it was all bad, all the way around.
And I knew they were lies. And I didn't want to succumb to the pity party that I can sometimes find myself attending. I prayed, then and there. I texted some wiser women for truth.
B said "You are the daughter of the King."
D said "I am praying too!! Indeed they are lies. May He fill you completely with His peace." and "You are an amazing mom! We all feel inadequate and quite often overwhelmed. I still do myself. Wonder if we are doing anything right. Its just satan's lies. God is and will direct and guide. Cling to His promises.
S said "You are so NOT a failure. You are precious and wonderful and godly and good and funny and smart and beautiful."
SD said "You have been chosen by God and adopted as His child. Read Ephesians 1:3-8"
While I was not fishing for compliments when I sent out my SOS text, their words were balm to my soul. They spoke love, wisdom and encouragement to me. They prayed for me and lifted me up. I have purposely surrounded myself with strong women, women of character and love, to pour life into me when I need it.
Now while I wish I didn't have these moments of doubt, I know that as long as I am fighting the fight against sin and addiction I will.
and there IS hope~