This is my first sober Thanksgiving. Granted, I have been pregnant three previous turkey days, but I never had a problem abstaining when I was pregnant.
Dinner at the in laws was great. There was a moment of panic when a friend handed me a champagne flute, but it was sparkling grape juice. Another moment of nostalgia passed when I caught scent of my father in law's red wine, but over all it was not hard to not drink that day.
Friday was a completely different story. My side of the family met at my sister's house. My favorite uncle mentioned getting a drink and I said I hadn't had a drink in almost a year. He asked me why and when I responded I was very close to having a real problem with alcohol he said he didn't agree with me.
From that point on all I could see was the drinking going on. My grandpa. My uncles. My cousins. My sister. My cousins' girlfriends. Beer, whiskey, wine. I slipped away to the guest room and called my sponsor. She encouraged me to stay strong and to pray for my family. I sent a text message to another friend who immediately texted Scriptures back to me.
I got thru the night, but I was rather miserable. My eyes were only focused on the alcohol. I was disappointed when no one suggested we bless the meal, though traditionally I have been the one to say the prayer.
My family left the dinner early to drive to my parents and no one had too much to drink in my presence. And it wasn't even that I was envying them, that I wanted to drink. I was just saddened that there didn't seem to be any other subject of conversation or available activity besides beer pong.
Today at my parents has also been rough. I have not been forthright in telling my parents about my addiction. There are many reasons for this, one of them being the fact that both of my parents are daily drinkers. My mom said she made sangria this morning. I said 'On the 16th it will be one year since I have had a drink.' She said November or December. I said December and that was the end of the conversation.
Later she told me that if I ever had reason to serve alcohol again at my house this sangria recipe was really good.
Ah well. We are all new to this recovery process. I can feel very safe in saying that I am the only one in any of my close family circles that has gotten sober. I have heard that a great uncle doesn't drink anymore, but I have never spent any time with him. I know of many stories of family members drinking too much.
Not drinking is foreign to my family. It was foreign to me.
I am grateful this Thanksgiving it is my reality.