Top 10 Sobriety Highlights of 2010
(in no particular order)
*Picking up my 2 year chip on 12/16/10
*Finishing my steps
*Leading a Newcomer's Session
*Giving my testimony
*Befriending Glenda and singing and praying with her days before she died
*Struggling well with my husband as he navigates his own drinking
*Owning up to my slip with xanax last week
*Sharing my story with T and having her celebrate my successes and endure my tears
*Clear eyes and sound mind every morning, sans the morning after the 21st
*Being sober from alcohol for another 365 days
What has been one ore more of your highlights?
Happy New Year!
there IS hope~
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Off the wagon-
I woke up with a hangover this morning. The first hangover in over 2 years. My head hurt, I thought I was going to throw up, I couldn't drink my coffee.
I didn't drink alcohol last night. I did take 2 anxiety pills. And I wasn't feeling anxious. I took one before the party, in anticipation of the anxiety I was afraid I might feel. During the party I was feeling pretty good, so I went ahead and popped the second one.
Yep, sure did.
Felt loopy, like a tiny buzz.
Then felt guilty, full of remorse and regret.
I sent my sponsor a text as I was leaving the party and she and I proceeded to have a conversation where I admitted everything. Which is actually progress, 2 years ago I would have admitted nothing. At least not at first. I knew what I was doing when I took the pill. I wanted to feel loopy. I wanted to feel some escape. I wanted to.
While I have been sober for 2 years there have been many times I have fantasized about a buzz. Spent too much mental energy imagining what it would feel like. Last night I was weak and I felt that desire again. I have tools to get my head out of those situations, I just chose not to employ them. I didn't pray or text for help or walk away and come back. I purposely put a second pill in my pocket, after taking the first.
And I regret it. Before bed I flushed the rest of the prescription down the toilet. The prescription I really didn't need to get in the first place. I have learned from this that my brain is still sick. When I get a little, I want more. I am still an alcoholic. Last night I just changed my substance. Last night was the biggest mess up of my sobriety. However, it was a huge wake up call and for that I am grateful.
I'm still believing that there IS hope~
I didn't drink alcohol last night. I did take 2 anxiety pills. And I wasn't feeling anxious. I took one before the party, in anticipation of the anxiety I was afraid I might feel. During the party I was feeling pretty good, so I went ahead and popped the second one.
Yep, sure did.
Felt loopy, like a tiny buzz.
Then felt guilty, full of remorse and regret.
I sent my sponsor a text as I was leaving the party and she and I proceeded to have a conversation where I admitted everything. Which is actually progress, 2 years ago I would have admitted nothing. At least not at first. I knew what I was doing when I took the pill. I wanted to feel loopy. I wanted to feel some escape. I wanted to.
While I have been sober for 2 years there have been many times I have fantasized about a buzz. Spent too much mental energy imagining what it would feel like. Last night I was weak and I felt that desire again. I have tools to get my head out of those situations, I just chose not to employ them. I didn't pray or text for help or walk away and come back. I purposely put a second pill in my pocket, after taking the first.
And I regret it. Before bed I flushed the rest of the prescription down the toilet. The prescription I really didn't need to get in the first place. I have learned from this that my brain is still sick. When I get a little, I want more. I am still an alcoholic. Last night I just changed my substance. Last night was the biggest mess up of my sobriety. However, it was a huge wake up call and for that I am grateful.
Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence. 1 Corinthians 10:12
I am sorry.
I'm still believing that there IS hope~
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
more or less
Actual text I sent today:
Does anyone do it right? Does anyone have positive, healthy coping mechanisms?
I went to two stores with my 3 children this morning. My babes are 7.5, 6.5 and 3.5. They are good kids. And they are normal. They talk a lot, run off, ask ask ask for things. I was feeling a bit crazed by the end of the trip.
We finally made it home. And I rewarded myself with 2 pieces of cold pizza and some fudge. Seriously.
Good grief. Instead of feeling less stressed or less anxious or less irritated I felt more bloated and less in control.
Why is that? Why didn't I take a few minutes, walk into my bedroom, count to 10, breath deep, pray? Why did I stuff my mouth f.u.l.l.?
I guess admitting there is a problem is the first step, right?! What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? I did go for a run when my mister came home for his lunch break.
Yep, there IS hope~
Happy Tuesday!
Does anyone do it right? Does anyone have positive, healthy coping mechanisms?
I went to two stores with my 3 children this morning. My babes are 7.5, 6.5 and 3.5. They are good kids. And they are normal. They talk a lot, run off, ask ask ask for things. I was feeling a bit crazed by the end of the trip.
We finally made it home. And I rewarded myself with 2 pieces of cold pizza and some fudge. Seriously.
Good grief. Instead of feeling less stressed or less anxious or less irritated I felt more bloated and less in control.
Why is that? Why didn't I take a few minutes, walk into my bedroom, count to 10, breath deep, pray? Why did I stuff my mouth f.u.l.l.?
I guess admitting there is a problem is the first step, right?! What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? I did go for a run when my mister came home for his lunch break.
Yep, there IS hope~
Happy Tuesday!
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