Three years!

On December 15th I picked up my 3 year coin. Wait! My sobriety date is December 16, how could I get it early? Yeah, that bothered me too. The meeting I attend is on Thursday nights. And we were taking two weeks off for the holidays. My sponsor said she thought it was ok if I got it a few hours early, 730pm the night before my actual date.

By Wednesday of that week I was honestly not sure I was going to make it to Thursday! It was a hard, hard night. My mister was teaching and my kids were pushing every stinkin' button I have. I literally had to breath thru each thought of relapase. And there was even beer in my fridge that a less than thoughtful younger cousin left there. I texted a friend to come by and get the beer but she was at a Christmas party and didn't get the text til way later.

The thought that got me thru? How many folks I would have to tell that I had drank. That seems shallow and prideful and perhaps it is, but it worked....I have an amazing support system of people who love me and pray for me and think I can do this, with the Lord's help, and I didn't want to let them down. So I didn't drink. I probably ate a bunch of crap, but at the time it seemed like a better idea. {My sugar addiction will be dealt with in the new year}

The next day I went through the motions, dragging my feet up the stairs to my meeting, a few minutes late. As I walked through the doors they were singing. Singing "Come, All Ye Faithful" The first line says 'Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant'

Faithful. Joyful. TRIUMPHANT!

It hit me, hit me hard. I was triumphant! I had not had a drink when I wanted one so badly. There was even beer in my fridge and no one around who would know if I had any and I abstained. Oh, thank you Jesus, for your strength and grace! And as I walked up to the front to get my chip I was fully aware and grateful for that very moment.

yes. there IS hope~

there IS hope~

On Tuesday I was asked to share a devotional with my Bible study group. I have been studying with these ladies since October, though I can't say I know any one of them supremely well. I decided I would share a little of my story. I would come clean with them. I would announce my alcoholism. And then I would share the changes that have occurred as a result of my obedience to the Holy Spirit and my 12 step program.

As I boldly spoke about my disease and how confession and each step has helped me, I noticed a woman crying across the circle. A few ladies had teared up, I could tell, but this woman was weeping. As we talked after my sharing she told me her father was drinking again. He was back to his old tricks, he was sneaking and lying and choosing to drink.

And she was weeping not because he was drinking but because of her hope in my victory. Just the day before she was researching online the recovery program I am part of. And she had no idea about me or what I would share just 24 hrs later.

She felt hopeless and then renewed.

She was sad, hurt and worried and left with a sense of urgency and direction to share with her father.

I say none of this to imply it was because of me. Indeed, it was not. I served only as proof of what is possible with the Holy Spirit. My God is a God of miracles and I am evidence of that. And Tuesday was just one more example of the Lord's impeccable timing. It shouldn't surprise like it does.

My God IS mighty to save.
And there IS hope~
Happy Thursday.

Hmmmmm......

So my cousin came over yesterday to ask me a few questions. He has a roommate who he thinks may have a drinking problem. We sat outside in the gorgeous weather and talked for awhile, it was enjoyable. The conversation moved towards our family, our shared heritage and the very obvious role alcohol plays in many people's lives with whom we are related.

Then he said something that really surprised me at first. He said that many in my extended family don't believe I am an alcoholic. That he has overheard comments and people think I am over reacting or something.

I was surprised at first, then quickly understood. In order for my family to recognize I had a problem, they would have to also look closely at their own relationship with alcohol. It made me again so grateful for my sobriety and I offered up a prayer for them, for their safety and for their families.

I also have to consciously choose to not judge them or spout off about what I think so and so needs. I know, I KNOW, that sobriety cannot be forced on anyone and that it is for those who want it, not those who need it. And I must also guard my thinking that I don't start doubting myself whether or not I had a drinking problem. The evidence is all over my journals from the last two years and from the stories and stories I could tell.

Yes, my name is jamee and I am an alcoholic.
yet, there IS hope~