Saturday, September 8, 2012 that another blue chip? A desire chip? Or was it relapse?

Let me assure you, I did not drink alcohol. It has been almost 45 months without a drink. Yet along the way I have toyed with other habits, ways of dealing, coping. Many times I make the right choice. I turn to the Lord, I text a friend, I get in the Word when I am feeling out of control or uneasy.

Then there are other choices. Like the few days that I took pills that I shouldn't have- I gave the pills away. Or when a friendship became too much of a distraction, but I fixed that.

Each time I struggled with my failure, my weakness. Why, if I knew the right things to do, did I still fall? Why was I tempted, yet again by Satan and his schemes?

Come to find out, I am human, STILL in need of a Savior and still here in this broken world. It is not going to get easier. I am going to get tripped up, even fall sometimes. It doesn't matter that I fall or even fail, what matters is how I deal with it. That I get back up, ask for and accept the Lord's forgiveness and learn from my mistakes.

That is what I did this week. I went to my meeting Thursday night, fully intending on getting a blue chip. I read the scriptures aloud during the meeting as another gal read the steps. I was teary eyed.

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18
Then the time came for chips. As I walked forward for my blue chip it was almost as hard as it was the first time I got a chip. I came back to my seat, turned the chip over and over in my hand and felt His peace. His love. His grace.

No coincidence at all- the lesson that night was on GRACE. It is a lesson I've heard before. With points that I've grown to love, to embrace in my daily life and as I work with others. Yet, I was hit afresh with two sentences on the power point slide:

Grace- getting what I don't deserve.
Mercy- not getting what I DO deserve.

And that my, friends, is truth, truth truth.

This morning I read Jesus Calling, the devotional book. Man, that book can speak directly to me. The lines that reached out to me today were- "Even if you wrongly choose..., I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day."

Oh, thank you, sweet Jesus, for not giving up on me, time and time again. My heart so desires a life that is lived in obedience to you. And I will keep trying. I will stand up, in front of others and proclaim my faith in You and Your strength, not my own. I will also remember that as long as there is breath in me, I've still work to do here on this earth....and you aren't through with me yet....

My favorite lyrics of the moment:

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave

~and there IS hope


dawn said...

Powerfull writing.

Don't you think this is part of Satan's cunningness - trying to get us to think, well,,, if I take a few percocets, what's the big deal,, its and rx and, well, it is not like I would be DRINKING..

My cross addiction was food - and what an array of comfort foods we can cook up in MN over the winter months,, ughhh - what a deception.

Yes, it is so important that we comprehend where our minds are that of an addict, meaning, specific characteristics accompany our thought process, our perception and ultimate behaviors. We're birds of a feather and whatever our DOC is/was,, there's always some other vice out there we can ignite a new addiction to.

"Redeem" has been a word I have meditated on so much the past two years!

Robin said...

Oh, how amazing it is that He gets the Glory every time we can walk away from the sin and point our eyes on Him! I love where you said, "My heart so desires a life that is lived in obedience to you." That follows your comment to me yesterday about Romans 12. Your heart is wide open for Jesus, and sin doesn't stand a chance when you have the Lord on your side. For He is FOR us! Loved this post and your honesty once again. Love you!

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The articleice Machines introduces:This article about How To Buy Commercial Ice Machines For Restaurant,With the introduction of cutting edge and innovative technologies, a commercial ice machine is no longer a bulky device producing insanitation, consuming a lot ...

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With the introduction of cutting ice Machines edge and innovative technologies, a commercial ice machine is no longer a bulky device producing insanitation, consuming a lot of energy, making noise, and taking a lot of time to make the needed supply of ice. As a result of high end technologies, commercial ice machines are able to achieve “being green” the highest levels of energy and water conservation. Now a commercial ice machine can easily produce from 65 pounds to 2,000 pounds of ice cubes in a day. You can find varied shapes of ice cubes such as dice, half dice, octagon, crushed, nugget, and flake.

Commercial ice machines are the standalone units,ice Machines designed to produce large quantities of ice for various commercial purposes. Once installed, these commercial ice makers are pretty automatic and do not need much attention from you or your staff. These factory-made machines consist of a condensing unit and ice-making section that operates as an integrated unit to make ice, an ice bin or a storage unit to store the created ice and a dispensing unit to dispense the ice out of the machine. Many automatic ice machines use moving water to create an improved quality of ice cubes. They work on the principle of “faster the water moves the better the ice quality becomes”. In this process, the air and un-dissolved solids get washed away. This results in pure and clear ice production.

Large amounts of ice are demanded for various purposes in many ice Machines commercial entities such as Restaurants, Bars, Ice Cream Parlors, Bakeries, Country Clubs and Golf Courses. A commercial ice machine is the perfect choice for such places as the large quantity of ice also needs to be a certain quality as well. Automatic commercial ice machines will make plenty of ice of equal size in a short span of time. All you need to do is just start the machine and set the required functions, and leave the rest up to the machine. You will get good quantity of quality ice in a short amount of time. In addition, many commercial ice machines come with a self cleaning function. This will help maintain the quality and quantity if the produced ice while decreasing the time that you and or your staff must spend with the machine.

Keep in mind that there are two varieties of ice machines: air cooled and waterice Machines cooled. Air cooled ice machines use air to disperse the heat, whereas water cooled ice machine uses water to do the same function. Air cooled ice machines use more energy and also are much noisier than water cooled ice machines. However, they are more affordable than water cooled ice machines.

An assorted collection of wonderful, fast and energy efficient commercial ice makers are readilyice Machines available in the market. Various renowned and reliable manufacturers have come up with their unique range of these amazing machines. Numerous models that create different types and sizes of ice are available in the local and online market. A competitive urge of creating more efficient and cost effective ice machines, has left the customers and consumers with a distinctive variety of these units in which to choose.

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