****Yesterday my friend Emily was on the Dr. Phil show. It was a rerun, it originally aired in Febuary. Because of the Olympics I wasn't able to watch it the first time. And I havent yet watched it this time. It is recorded and at some point when my 3 kids are not in orbit nearby I will sit down and watch it.****
While we were on vacation I drank a 6 pack of nonalcoholic beer over two days. And I liked it. And that scares me. We were sitting on the deck of a friend's house, looking out over the valley, over Pearl Harbor. And I said, "Well, if one were to fall off the wagon, this would be the place."
Yes, I said that.
What was I thinking? I was thinking that it felt good to relax with friends, drink a cool beverage from a bottle. I was thinking that maybe I really COULD handle it. Maybe it wasn't that bad. I mean, its been 18 months, surely I have a good handle on how dangerous drinking could be for me, how much trouble it has gotten other people in. I could control it.
Thankfully my sister in law, who was drinking bourbon, said, "No." Her answer surprised me and also shook be back into reality. I have missed nothing over the last 18 months by not drinking. I have lost 20 lbs, I have gotten through my anxiety and depression. I have not had to lie at work or worry about who I saw and what I said. I have not put my children's lives in danger by driving with a good buzz. I haven't stolen alcohol from my inlaw's fridge or chugged sangria in a coffee mug.
Why would I want to go back to that? Or take one drink that always, ALWAYS, led to another and another and another? Why would I even fantasize about red wine on the patio?
Because I am an alcoholic.
There IS hope~