Friday, June 25, 2010

Relapse, who me?

****Yesterday my friend Emily was on the Dr. Phil show. It was a rerun, it originally aired in Febuary. Because of the Olympics I wasn't able to watch it the first time. And I havent yet watched it this time. It is recorded and at some point when my 3 kids are not in orbit nearby I will sit down and watch it.****

While we were on vacation I drank a 6 pack of nonalcoholic beer over two days. And I liked it. And that scares me. We were sitting on the deck of a friend's house, looking out over the valley, over Pearl Harbor. And I said, "Well, if one were to fall off the wagon, this would be the place."

Yes, I said that.

Holy cow.

What was I thinking? I was thinking that it felt good to relax with friends, drink a cool beverage from a bottle. I was thinking that maybe I really COULD handle it. Maybe it wasn't that bad. I mean, its been 18 months, surely I have a good handle on how dangerous drinking could be for me, how much trouble it has gotten other people in. I could control it.

Thankfully my sister in law, who was drinking bourbon, said, "No." Her answer surprised me and also shook be back into reality. I have missed nothing over the last 18 months by not drinking. I have lost 20 lbs, I have gotten through my anxiety and depression. I have not had to lie at work or worry about who I saw and what I said. I have not put my children's lives in danger by driving with a good buzz. I haven't stolen alcohol from my inlaw's fridge or chugged sangria in a coffee mug.

Why would I want to go back to that? Or take one drink that always, ALWAYS, led to another and another and another?  Why would I even fantasize about red wine on the patio?

Because I am an alcoholic.

There IS hope~
Happy Friday-

12 comments:

Robin said...

This gave me chills. Wow. Ay-yi-yi. I am grateful for your sister-in-law! And I don't even know her! Or you! Reading this just feels like super-danger avoided. Getting over anxiety and depression is HUGE. Thanks for the reminder how close it always is for us.

Robin said...

I am grateful for your sister in law too! Wow, what a close encounter. Thanks for sharing...it is close for all of us.

Shannon said...

Oh sweet friend- I am so thankful for your sister in law and so proud of your honesty. I love you!

Em said...

scary! thank you for sharing, we all need to be reminded of how cunning, baffling and powerful our disease is.

mommaof3 said...

I need to thank my sister in law. At the time I was a perturbed at her answer, thinking it was easy for her to say no as she was sipping her bourbon after having wine at dinner.

Now I see her as the voice of reason, the voice of the non alcoholic, the support of my family, the wisdom of the program, the whisper of the Lord.

Happy Sunday~

doggielover said...

Thank God for you sister in law. It must be hard to be sober for so long that we can forget what it was like before the last drink. you are so strong to share with us all, it is a reminder that our minds still think back to "the good old days", ya right, UGH!! Keep up the good work, your an inspiration!!!

Anonymous said...

So glad you held strong and you have strong people around you.
xoxo
S.

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