On December 15th I picked up my 3 year coin. Wait! My sobriety date is December 16, how could I get it early? Yeah, that bothered me too. The meeting I attend is on Thursday nights. And we were taking two weeks off for the holidays. My sponsor said she thought it was ok if I got it a few hours early, 730pm the night before my actual date.
By Wednesday of that week I was honestly not sure I was going to make it to Thursday! It was a hard, hard night. My mister was teaching and my kids were pushing every stinkin' button I have. I literally had to breath thru each thought of relapase. And there was even beer in my fridge that a less than thoughtful younger cousin left there. I texted a friend to come by and get the beer but she was at a Christmas party and didn't get the text til way later.
The thought that got me thru? How many folks I would have to tell that I had drank. That seems shallow and prideful and perhaps it is, but it worked....I have an amazing support system of people who love me and pray for me and think I can do this, with the Lord's help, and I didn't want to let them down. So I didn't drink. I probably ate a bunch of crap, but at the time it seemed like a better idea. {My sugar addiction will be dealt with in the new year}
The next day I went through the motions, dragging my feet up the stairs to my meeting, a few minutes late. As I walked through the doors they were singing. Singing "Come, All Ye Faithful" The first line says 'Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant'
Faithful. Joyful. TRIUMPHANT!
It hit me, hit me hard. I was triumphant! I had not had a drink when I wanted one so badly. There was even beer in my fridge and no one around who would know if I had any and I abstained. Oh, thank you Jesus, for your strength and grace! And as I walked up to the front to get my chip I was fully aware and grateful for that very moment.
yes. there IS hope~
