Happy New Year!
I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. And it hit me- I don't feel sick. My head doesn't hurt. I have actual pajamas on and I can fully remember what went on a few hours before.
I love being sober.
I spent the evening at a party that included more children than adults. We pretended we were in Aruba and celebrated the new year at 10 pm, rather than midnight. There was punch and flavored water and lots and lots of chips and dips. When we counted down to midnight(10p) the kids all jumped on rolls and rolls of bubble wrap laid out on the ground to mimic the noise of fire works.
It was a fun fun time and I feel fabulous this morning. No guilt, shame, headache or despair.
Yes, I love being sober.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Top 10
Top 10 Sobriety Highlights of 2010
(in no particular order)
*Picking up my 2 year chip on 12/16/10
*Finishing my steps
*Leading a Newcomer's Session
*Giving my testimony
*Befriending Glenda and singing and praying with her days before she died
*Struggling well with my husband as he navigates his own drinking
*Owning up to my slip with xanax last week
*Sharing my story with T and having her celebrate my successes and endure my tears
*Clear eyes and sound mind every morning, sans the morning after the 21st
*Being sober from alcohol for another 365 days
What has been one ore more of your highlights?
Happy New Year!
there IS hope~
(in no particular order)
*Picking up my 2 year chip on 12/16/10
*Finishing my steps
*Leading a Newcomer's Session
*Giving my testimony
*Befriending Glenda and singing and praying with her days before she died
*Struggling well with my husband as he navigates his own drinking
*Owning up to my slip with xanax last week
*Sharing my story with T and having her celebrate my successes and endure my tears
*Clear eyes and sound mind every morning, sans the morning after the 21st
*Being sober from alcohol for another 365 days
What has been one ore more of your highlights?
Happy New Year!
there IS hope~
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Off the wagon-
I woke up with a hangover this morning. The first hangover in over 2 years. My head hurt, I thought I was going to throw up, I couldn't drink my coffee.
I didn't drink alcohol last night. I did take 2 anxiety pills. And I wasn't feeling anxious. I took one before the party, in anticipation of the anxiety I was afraid I might feel. During the party I was feeling pretty good, so I went ahead and popped the second one.
Yep, sure did.
Felt loopy, like a tiny buzz.
Then felt guilty, full of remorse and regret.
I sent my sponsor a text as I was leaving the party and she and I proceeded to have a conversation where I admitted everything. Which is actually progress, 2 years ago I would have admitted nothing. At least not at first. I knew what I was doing when I took the pill. I wanted to feel loopy. I wanted to feel some escape. I wanted to.
While I have been sober for 2 years there have been many times I have fantasized about a buzz. Spent too much mental energy imagining what it would feel like. Last night I was weak and I felt that desire again. I have tools to get my head out of those situations, I just chose not to employ them. I didn't pray or text for help or walk away and come back. I purposely put a second pill in my pocket, after taking the first.
And I regret it. Before bed I flushed the rest of the prescription down the toilet. The prescription I really didn't need to get in the first place. I have learned from this that my brain is still sick. When I get a little, I want more. I am still an alcoholic. Last night I just changed my substance. Last night was the biggest mess up of my sobriety. However, it was a huge wake up call and for that I am grateful.
I'm still believing that there IS hope~
I didn't drink alcohol last night. I did take 2 anxiety pills. And I wasn't feeling anxious. I took one before the party, in anticipation of the anxiety I was afraid I might feel. During the party I was feeling pretty good, so I went ahead and popped the second one.
Yep, sure did.
Felt loopy, like a tiny buzz.
Then felt guilty, full of remorse and regret.
I sent my sponsor a text as I was leaving the party and she and I proceeded to have a conversation where I admitted everything. Which is actually progress, 2 years ago I would have admitted nothing. At least not at first. I knew what I was doing when I took the pill. I wanted to feel loopy. I wanted to feel some escape. I wanted to.
While I have been sober for 2 years there have been many times I have fantasized about a buzz. Spent too much mental energy imagining what it would feel like. Last night I was weak and I felt that desire again. I have tools to get my head out of those situations, I just chose not to employ them. I didn't pray or text for help or walk away and come back. I purposely put a second pill in my pocket, after taking the first.
And I regret it. Before bed I flushed the rest of the prescription down the toilet. The prescription I really didn't need to get in the first place. I have learned from this that my brain is still sick. When I get a little, I want more. I am still an alcoholic. Last night I just changed my substance. Last night was the biggest mess up of my sobriety. However, it was a huge wake up call and for that I am grateful.
Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence. 1 Corinthians 10:12
I am sorry.
I'm still believing that there IS hope~
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