tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70997855524010020802012-02-16T03:28:56.704-06:00I have been sober since December 16, 2008. This journey of life, alcohol free, is a whole new ball game!mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.comBlogger731100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-63263316222256233302012-01-05T08:07:00.001-06:002012-01-05T08:22:26.606-06:00

It has been quite some time since I have posted. Our computer has been broken for months so I generally use my phone to look at facebook, etc and when I am on a full size computer it is just for a few minutes. So what have I been up to? I spent the fall in lots of prayer. 2 people I went to high school with died from cancer. It was a sad sad time, but also a time of thanksgiving, as they traded

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-64464358231690156572011-12-18T08:07:00.002-06:002012-01-05T09:10:42.326-06:00

On December 15th I picked up my 3 year coin. Wait! My sobriety date is December 16, how could I get it early? Yeah, that bothered me too. The meeting I attend is on Thursday nights. And we were taking two weeks off for the holidays. My sponsor said she thought it was ok if I got it a few hours early, 730pm the night before my actual date. By Wednesday of that week I was honestly not sure I was

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-17752346624096790132011-04-28T15:20:00.000-05:002011-04-28T15:20:35.888-05:00

On Tuesday I was asked to share a devotional with my Bible study group. I have been studying with these ladies since October, though I can't say I know any one of them supremely well. I decided I would share a little of my story. I would come clean with them. I would announce my alcoholism. And then I would share the changes that have occurred as a result of my obedience to the Holy Spirit and my

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-66280395973986474982011-03-12T07:21:00.001-06:002011-03-12T21:20:13.737-06:00

So my cousin came over yesterday to ask me a few questions. He has a roommate who he thinks may have a drinking problem. We sat outside in the gorgeous weather and talked for awhile, it was enjoyable. The conversation moved towards our family, our shared heritage and the very obvious role alcohol plays in many people's lives with whom we are related. Then he said something that really surprised

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-79688411824382983972011-02-28T17:17:00.000-06:002011-02-28T17:17:01.184-06:00

I had surgery two weeks ago. My Sunday School class set up a care calendar so folks could generously sign up to bring us dinner. I have three young children, so this has been extremely helpful. A friend whom I have known for 18 years emailed me and wanted to help, wanted to bring a meal. She excitedly signed up on the calendar to bring pizza and salad on Sunday night. She got here last night and

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-5620700047325582552011-02-08T12:36:00.001-06:002011-02-08T20:39:07.098-06:00

WARNING: This is long..... My name is jamee and I struggle with alcoholism. I accepted Christ as my savior in 1991 at FCA camp and have had a tumultuous relationship with Him ever since.I grew up in a home of drinkers. Looking back it is easy for me to see that there was never a time that drinking wasn’t acceptable. A beer while working in the garage, wine after dinner, Kailua in the

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-62552938036946746922011-01-01T08:32:00.000-06:002011-01-01T08:32:56.737-06:00

Happy New Year! I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. And it hit me- I don't feel sick. My head doesn't hurt. I have actual pajamas on and I can fully remember what went on a few hours before. I love being sober. I spent the evening at a party that included more children than adults. We pretended we were in Aruba and celebrated the new year at 10 pm, rather than midnight.

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-37844869020120635302010-12-31T15:45:00.000-06:002010-12-31T15:45:22.660-06:00

Top 10 Sobriety Highlights of 2010      (in no particular order) *Picking up my 2 year chip on 12/16/10 *Finishing my steps *Leading a Newcomer's Session *Giving my testimony *Befriending Glenda and singing and praying with her days before she died *Struggling well with my husband as he navigates his own drinking *Owning up to my slip with xanax last week *Sharing my story with T and having her

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-86487083030917166452010-12-22T12:49:00.000-06:002010-12-22T12:49:59.449-06:00

I woke up with a hangover this morning. The first hangover in over 2 years. My head hurt, I thought I was going to throw up, I couldn't drink my coffee. I didn't drink alcohol last night. I did take 2 anxiety pills. And I wasn't feeling anxious. I took one before the party, in anticipation of the anxiety I was afraid I might feel. During the party I was feeling pretty good, so I went ahead and

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-21512565989788603462010-12-21T13:01:00.000-06:002010-12-21T13:01:26.682-06:00

Actual text I sent today: Does anyone do it right? Does anyone have positive, healthy coping mechanisms? I went to two stores with my 3 children this morning. My babes are 7.5, 6.5 and 3.5. They are good kids. And they are normal. They talk a lot, run off, ask ask ask for things. I was feeling a bit crazed by the end of the trip. We finally made it home. And I rewarded myself with 2 pieces of

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-2965538936514640452010-12-18T17:29:00.000-06:002010-12-18T17:29:00.249-06:00

a (1) : refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge) (2) : assertion that an allegation is false b : refusal to acknowledge a person or a thing  That about sums it up. I tried two different times to tell my parents I recently celebrated 2 years of sobriety. Both ways seemed very nonthreatening to me. Both times were met with silence.  Nothing. Not a thing.

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-37680006194381544922010-12-16T11:30:00.001-06:002010-12-16T13:39:40.313-06:00

730 days ago I took my last drink. Gin poured into a sobe bottle. I took the bottles into the living room, away from the lights of the kitchen and poured at least an inch worth of gin into the bottle. I don't like gin. It tastes like Christmas trees. But it was all I had and I drank it anyway. I drank it, knowing full well it would be my last drink for awhile. Possibly forever. I drank enough

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-45529080628364231182010-12-13T10:46:00.001-06:002010-12-17T10:47:21.108-06:00

This past week or so I have been reflecting on the last 727 days. Much has changed. Much has been clarified. I have been re-reading journal entries from the last two years and reveling in the grace of the Father.... Here is a prayer I wrote in July of this year- Dear Heavenly Father- I thank you for the grace you have shown me, for the love you have given me and for the safe place you

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-54172916563098962802010-11-24T10:48:00.000-06:002010-12-17T10:48:57.014-06:00

 I recieved this text message the other morning:      "I forgot to tell you today that on my way to work this morning I prayed that you would see yourself as God sees you;  completely scar free!" Wow! How neat to read that first thing in the morning as I stumbled out of bed to get ready for boot camp at 4:55a. My friend had sent it at 11:13 pm the night before, long after I was asleep. The

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-73306869367793998852010-11-21T10:49:00.000-06:002010-12-17T10:50:02.482-06:00

Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary Pure and holy, tried and true With thanksgiving, I'll be a living Sanctuary for You This song has been running through my mind for weeks. And a week or so ago a line just struck me..... 'Tried and true' I started thinking about different instances when I'd been tried. Quite honestly my life hasn't been too tough. There haven't been many chances for me to

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-63456754557550298692010-10-06T10:50:00.000-05:002010-12-17T10:51:03.138-06:00

You are not your past You are not your failures You are not your parents You are not your sister You are not your regrets You are not your sin You are not your weight You are not your divorce You are not your unemployment You are not the choices someone else made for you You are not your brokenness You are not your bitterness You are not your abuse You are not your loneliness You are not your

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-91318196138541559822010-07-18T19:48:00.000-05:002010-07-18T19:48:42.733-05:00

My husband and I had a good talk tonight as we walked the babes to the park. Yea!! We came to the same conclusion - I am dangerously close to addicted to email and FB. Therefore I am unplugging my computer and taking it to the garage in the morning. Drastic? Yes. But so is the harm that could come to my face to face relationships. I'll be back. I just don't know when. Yet, there IS hope!

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-83036483827229168322010-07-16T07:48:00.000-05:002010-07-16T07:48:18.136-05:00

Today marks the 19th month of my sobriety. I am closer to two years than I was yesterday. This is a point to which I have never made it before. Yesterday a friend sent me a message, congratulating me on my 19 months and I had actually forgot. I am not working right now, so I am not always exactly aware of the date. These last 19 months have been intense. I have been pruned, torn, rebuilt,

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-66480391326741002252010-07-12T09:15:00.000-05:002010-07-12T09:15:08.103-05:00

My husband told me on Saturday he has a drinking problem. I met him and my 2 younger children at the swimming pool after my oldest and I had been to a bridal shower. It was quickly clear that the mister had been drinking. Then it was apparent he had been drinking quite a lot. I went to my van, got my phone and texted my sponsor, asking whether or not I could ask him how much he'd been drinking.

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-86667529859654436372010-07-10T23:35:00.002-05:002010-07-10T23:35:26.501-05:00

so remember that part in that prayer i posted yesterday, that part about recognizing the schemes of the enemy and fleeing? oh, he's scheming alright. and i am fighting back. i just need to focus on who the enemy is. and it isn't my mister.

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-5514505578189278242010-07-09T07:15:00.000-05:002010-07-09T07:15:58.586-05:00

Last night I helped run the Newcomer's Meeting. This is the second time I've done this. I was excited, anxious and honestly not at all nervous. In the last month I have really felt like it is time to share my story. I am a changed person, given another shot at doing things right, redeemed by grace. This gift is amazing to me and I want others to feel the same freedom from bondage  that I have

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-51701889154948015502010-07-06T20:50:00.001-05:002010-07-07T10:12:14.237-05:00

Like many of you, I drank when I wanted to feel numb. To feel nothing. These last 18 months have been full of feelings. Some good. Some bad. Here are 10 things I have felt while sober *Uncomfortable- especially in social situations when I know no one *Relieved - when I wake up in the morning without guilt or remorse *Sad- especially in the beginning, thinking I would never again feel a buzz *

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-1298018009408246802010-07-05T19:36:00.000-05:002010-07-05T19:36:10.256-05:00

When I 'took a break' from drinking in 2001 I allowed myself to drink whatever I wanted that didn't include alcohol. Besides drinking alcohol I tried to drink diet everything else. To get no calories from my beverages. Of course, getting a buzz was more important than cutting calories, so all bets were off when it came to alcoholic beverages. But when I stopped drinking I let myself have real

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-91964836267234537922010-06-30T17:29:00.000-05:002010-06-30T17:29:21.232-05:00

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-61557218067563910612010-06-29T07:39:00.000-05:002010-06-29T07:39:31.566-05:00

1* Drinking made me sick. Almost every time I drank more than 3 or 4 I threw up. It didn't phase me. It is gross to throw up and not care. 2*I fell once while in college and hurt my hip. I had to limp to class and that hip is STILL ornery when I run. 3*Drunk dialing/emailing/texting cannot be fixed in the morning. 4*My dad's drinking scared me when I was growing up. There IS a family history of

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-7473709501060049732010-06-28T08:32:00.000-05:002010-06-28T08:32:48.527-05:00

I'm going to follow the format of another friend's blog today...... As I grew up my family drank. Parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents. I have many memories of my dad having too much to drink, passing out, acting foolish. It never made me think I wouldn't drink. The first time I remember drinking was in 10th grade with my best friend at my house. Looking back, I don't think we drank enough to

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-40294064122396193072010-06-26T21:59:00.000-05:002010-06-26T21:59:47.194-05:00

I think I might throw up. I am watching the Dr. Phil show. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I am not deleting this show. If I EVER EVER EVER think of maybe drinking again I am going to rewatch it. Seriously. There is nothing worth that. I thank God that I did not get in trouble with the law and that my children will not have a memory of me as a drinker. So sad. But.... there IS hope. Happy

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-86612230687709753422010-06-25T13:41:00.000-05:002010-06-25T13:41:02.712-05:00

****Yesterday my friend Emily was on the Dr. Phil show. It was a rerun, it originally aired in Febuary. Because of the Olympics I wasn't able to watch it the first time. And I havent yet watched it this time. It is recorded and at some point when my 3 kids are not in orbit nearby I will sit down and watch it.**** While we were on vacation I drank a 6 pack of nonalcoholic beer over two days. And

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-10907069484224112222010-06-21T13:38:00.000-05:002010-06-21T13:38:50.982-05:00

This past weekend was our local street festival. This is a relatively new event, this may have been the 4th annual. In 2008 my husband and I met my sister, her fiance, her future in laws, and my parents to go downtown. As had been the case for the previous 3 years I was bound by my work contract not to drink in public. I fixed a big vodka and something in a sonic cup and went on. Before we left

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-52143806528994182582010-04-27T14:18:00.000-05:002010-04-27T14:18:30.026-05:00

I just finished watching the Lois Wilson story that was a Hallmark movie this week. I am crying. I was sobbing. The big ugly cry that distorts my face. This is an amazing story. Lois Wilson stood by Bill through so much. I feel like I would have given up long before it got to that point, though we never know how we will react in any given situation. There were parts of the story that I

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-71266624036613207552010-04-23T06:20:00.000-05:002010-04-23T06:20:32.757-05:00

I had a few hours of a funk this week. I felt crummy, not ill, just out of whack. As I drove to work on Wednesday I could feel the actual physical struggle, fighting between a good mood and a bad one. Good won out until about 3 pm.........then came the clouds. I tried to shake it off, came really close, then became frustrated again by my first born. We ran the errands we had to run, I made

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-48170542401289799542010-04-13T21:15:00.000-05:002010-04-13T21:15:41.644-05:00

Ten things I did today- -Bought a rose bush -Planted flowers around my tree -Applied sticky applique words to the bathroom wall -Unpacked a box -Grilled hamburgers -Went for a bike ride with my oldest daughter -Wrote a mission statement -Ate an ice cream sandwich -Kissed my husband -Wrote in my journal One thing I did not do today- -drink How bout you? Happy Tuesday~

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-33008181115482962092010-04-07T23:41:00.000-05:002010-04-07T23:41:37.605-05:00

Today I met with my pastor. I made an appointment two weeks ago to go in and tell him some of my story. I don't know where I got the idea to tell him, {The Holy Spirit} but I felt strongly that it was time. At the top of the chain, this man is also my boss. There was a slight possibility that the meeting today could in some way result in the loss of my job. That wasn't a real threat, but a

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-53911407458316447802010-04-06T06:57:00.000-05:002010-04-06T06:57:22.862-05:00

I know I've been rather quiet on here and other blogs lately. It has not been intentional. It isn't as if I have nothing to say. I am just using many, many words to live my every day life in person, leaving fewer words to get recorded here. Or maybe it isn't the words that are getting used up, but the time used to put down the words. And I think in some ways, that is a good thing. My recovery

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-38416871364020193292010-03-23T06:34:00.001-05:002010-03-23T18:19:14.137-05:00

A few weeks ago I was having a rough evening. Not necessarily wanting to drink, but just having a hard time controlling my emotions. I stopped by my sponsor's house and she happened to be reading in the book of Proverbs {I don't believe in coincidences...} Here are the words she read aloud to me: Don't drink too much wine and get drunk; don't eat too much food and get fat. Drunks and gluttons

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-5473280281807117732010-03-18T09:39:00.000-05:002010-03-18T09:39:21.131-05:00

Yesterday was a green holiday. It was a beer holiday. It was an excuse to start drinking at 9 am and go on and on and on. That isn't what I did. And I didn't miss it. Honestly, since having children my days of patio sitting, beer swilling, relaxing buzz catching had dwindled to near nothingness. My drinking became huge gulps when no one was looking, refilling my wine glass as I rushed thru

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-40401009205809714502010-03-13T08:12:00.000-06:002010-03-13T08:12:12.295-06:00

This is an entry from my prayer journal, March 13, 2009: O my God- You have done great things. In me. For me. In spite of me. Thank you for continuing after me, for not giving up. For thinking I am worth more than being a 31 yr old alcoholic. Thank you for the good time with Dr. Q on Weds. It is going to be a tough journey and I will need so much help, but I really want to break through some of

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-78440608983848111572010-03-11T22:23:00.002-06:002010-03-11T22:23:44.733-06:00

This is what I posted on my other blog today---- So, then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6&7 That last part describes me right now... overflowing with thankfulness. I have had a really great week and today in Bible study, as the teacher

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-61931761132047718482010-03-08T17:57:00.001-06:002010-03-08T21:26:54.201-06:00

That is totally how I felt today. Yesterday I woke up in a funk. Happens occasionally. Had some nagging doubts about the day before and they didn't leave overnight. Went to church. On the way I saw the runners in the local half marathon. I started crying. Really crying. I honked my horn, knowing that the particular part of the course I was driving was really really hard, having run it last year.

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-87773834788983142092010-03-05T21:34:00.001-06:002010-03-05T21:34:55.324-06:00

This was a super long week. On Tuesday my mother in law was not elected to the office she was campaigning for. My most favoritest cousin came to visit for 5 days. And last night I gave my testimony at my meeting. It was such a freeing time. It feels so good to finally be honest. At the end of my drinking I was leading such a double life that the deception was eating me alive. And it happens no

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-55939559122233255982010-02-25T14:57:00.000-06:002010-02-25T14:57:23.514-06:00

The sun is beautiful here today. We have had a crazy week of weather, mild 60s to snow to mild to rain. What a wild ride! I have been working on my story, my testimony, what the Lord has done in my life. It has been hard and it has been healing. I will be sharing it at my meeting next week. Yikes! Here is a paragraph I wrote this afternoon: I am grateful for the Lord and for the people he has

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-48733031720311358082010-02-24T17:21:00.000-06:002010-02-24T17:21:38.897-06:00

I started drinking in high school because it seemed like a pretty cool thing to do. I remember being at a party one of the first times I was out drinking. We were sitting around a table playing a drinking game. I got up to go to the bathroom and was instantly aware I was drunk. I liked that feeling. I liked feeling woozy, a little off balance. As I made my way back from the bathroom to the keg a

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-69461637668956512242010-02-23T08:28:00.000-06:002010-02-23T08:28:07.006-06:00

Ten things I haven't done since I quit drinking *Lied at work *Laid awake at night, hating myself *Made a roadie in a sonic cup *Taken alcohol from my inlaws *Driven with my kids in the car, risking their lives and many others *Had a conversation about a conversation I didn't remember *Ingested hundreds of empty calories *Passed out on the couch *Drank enough before a social event that by the

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-772467723322165082010-02-21T21:12:00.000-06:002010-02-21T21:12:17.308-06:00

How I knew it was time- Once, in 2002 I quit drinking. I felt very clearly that I was not being a good example and that I needed to quit for awhile and really get control of things. I stopped in February, got pregnant in August and didn't drink again until the following June. In June of 2008 I was very drunk at a local street festival. The following week I was talking to a relatively new

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-85676674494124988332010-02-21T15:19:00.003-06:002010-02-21T15:19:59.741-06:00

Sobriety Sunday I've been trying to post since last night about how I knew it was time to get help, but it seems I have three little beings near me at all times, ha! I will keep trying to write..... There IS hope!

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-43236002629272546432010-02-20T21:07:00.002-06:002010-02-20T21:10:22.043-06:00

I am sitting in my dining room listening to Julie Andrews sing "Just a Spoonful of Sugar" and drinking lemon water. And I am content. A little frazzled, maybe. But not agitated. Or goofy. Or slipping further and further into a buzz that would lead to sleep whether I wanted it to or not. At the end of my drinking I was into sangria. My husband would buy big jugs from the grocery store and I

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-24577041853997302502010-02-18T13:54:00.002-06:002010-02-20T21:15:25.183-06:00

I went to a state school for college, one of the largest in the nation. I partied like what I thought a 'normal' college girl did. There were serious incidents that happened purely because I made poor choices and put myself in dangerous situations, but I must say, for the most part, I made it through safely. By the grace of God. And He continued to protect me, mainly from myself, for 10 years of

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-12617453426681081692010-02-04T07:52:00.004-06:002010-02-04T10:39:50.813-06:00

I got drunk for the first time when I was 16. I got drunk for the last time when I was 31. For 15 years in between there I had more black outs than I can count, puked in more places than I remember and did things I am completely ashamed of.There were two instances in particular that weighed heavy on my heart. Black scuff marks on my soul. Deep pits of ugliness that could consume me on any given

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-10181300148382296542010-02-02T09:06:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:10:58.341-06:00

Last night I went to a friend's house to play Spoons. There were about 12 of us and it was a hilarious time! Earlier in the day I had confessed to this friend that it was often before such get togethers that I would drink. Just one or two, before I had to face a room full of people. I like to be the life of the party. I like to be funny. Entertaining. Well liked. And in my head that was only

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-41699492662726938482010-01-30T20:43:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:11:20.388-06:00

Today has been good. Not super. Nothing too exciting. But good. We had a basketball game for my 6 year old. I matched up about 15 pairs of socks. Ate roast from the crock pot. Watched some tv. Normal stuff. I also wiped noses. Butts. Did some dishes. Normal stuff. And I did it all sober. Without the lightness that used to come with a glass or two of wine. And I'll do it again tomorrow.

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-69821716323744209292010-01-28T08:34:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:11:34.787-06:00

So, a weird thing. My ex boyfriend started working at the same place I work. I only dated two guys EVER. Married one. Thought I was going to marry the other. At one point dated them both at the same time. {They knew, don't worry}. 16 years ago. Anyway, I am really dealing with some mixed up head emotions this week. And that is simply ticking me off. I am trying to stay in today. I have talked

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-87703941836146185872010-01-24T21:04:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:11:56.900-06:00

I live in Texas and I like to two step. In college and early on in my marriage we went dancing quite a bit. We also just plain went out a lot. Drinking. In bars. Sports bars. Dive bars. Mexican restaurants. Thinking back, I cannot imagine how many dollars we spent on beer. Don't even want to calculate! When I drink I also have to pee. I think my bladder must be the size of a kiwi fruit. Have you

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-5255900243816665392010-01-21T07:48:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:12:30.537-06:00

So I have been sober over a year. I have a fabulous sponsor and I go to my meeting once a week. I have missed a few, but not more than 6 or 7 over the course of the last year. It is my priority. My husband knows this. My children know this. My in laws know this. In my program there are 4 books to work through. Step 4 is in the second book. Months ago I finished step 3. Was dreading step 4 a

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-19247175577313764722010-01-18T19:54:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:12:48.231-06:00

Red red wine Makes me feel so fine Makes me feel happy All of the time...... Dang, I wanted some red wine tonight! We were at my in laws, to take a picture for her campaign. It was an easy process this time and the photographers were done with a good shot in 30 minutes. Then dinner preparations began. Steak. Potatoes. Mushrooms. Salad. Red wine. As I saw the glasses being poured around me I

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-74093906215282839792010-01-13T15:57:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:14:36.249-06:00

I don't have much to say today. I have a sick 2 yr old, a nose that just won't quit running. I often wonder where all that snot comes from when we get sick. I mean, seriously. She isn't running fever and is sleeping well at night, so it hasn't been too bad. The mister stayed home with her this morning so I could work and we have tomorrow off, so that is good. The wedding was fabulous. The bride

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-43060082078031797262010-01-09T08:40:00.003-06:002010-01-09T08:52:57.451-06:00

Tonight I am going to my sponsor's daughter's wedding. I spent part of the day Thursday decorating the dance hall, it is going to be gorgeous. There will be a band and my husband and I are going to get to dance. I haven't been dancing in longer than I can remember.I {love} to two step with my husband. I used to really enjoy dancing to fast music, too. After a few drinks. This goes back to the how

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-40261830856006097812010-01-08T13:41:00.002-06:002010-02-20T21:13:13.860-06:00

I married my husband ten years ago today. I am so grateful for him! This has always been our song! It was no accident me finding you Someone had a hand in it Long before we ever knew Now I just can't believe you're in my life Heaven's smilin' down on me As I look at you tonight I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars He sure knew what he was doin' When he joined these two hearts I hold

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-87141474918625136682010-01-05T21:14:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:13:31.413-06:00

I like people. I am an extrovert. I heard once that some people gain energy while around other people and some feel their energy sucked away. I definitely fall into the first category. I like to text. To email. Be on FB. On the phone. Talk for 30 minutes in the parking lot after meetings are over. I seriously love being around people. I have said a couple of times lately that it is too crazy

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-27737755049808838862010-01-04T21:47:00.003-06:002010-02-20T21:13:59.646-06:00

Tonight I went to a surprise lingerie shower for my sponsor's daughter. I nearly had an anxiety attack in the pajama dept at Target. I settled on some tiny boxer shorts with a long sleeve t. I started thinking about previous lingerie showers. Bachelorette parties. Party buses. Dancers who like $1 bills. Shots. Penis balloons. Totally started freaking out. How does one do this sober? Why does

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-28110817973582443872010-01-03T12:44:00.002-06:002010-01-03T12:50:01.624-06:00

Emily asked what I was doing today to stay sober.Today I am home with my family. My husband is watching football, my older two kiddos are cleaning {so they say} my son's room and my baby is sleeping. I need to unload the dishwasher and fold some laundry. I hope to talk to a friend on the phone in a bit. I am running at 430.Basically I am going to be doing regular stuff today. There don't appear

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-41312813494787939602010-01-02T20:11:00.002-06:002010-01-02T20:21:25.202-06:00

Today was a really low key day. We took down the Christmas decorations, I browned a bunch of hamburger meat for when school starts back and the kids went down early.I haven't really taken any quiet moments to look toward 2010. To think about what I want this year to look like. At this point in 2009 I simply wanted to survive. I wanted to live one day at a time, not drinking.And I succeeded!Now I

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-40760201852850188582010-01-01T10:25:00.004-06:002010-01-02T20:22:08.467-06:00

Last night the mister and I went to a friend's house to play Bunco. The party started at 8 and by 7 pm I was trying to think of reasons not to go.Wasn't one of my children feeling ill?Didn't my husband want to stay and finish watching the game?Did I have a headache? Sore throat?It was apparent that no, indeed, there was no reason to renig on my previous RSVP of coming to the party.I knew that I

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-31269360962592650232009-12-31T06:37:00.004-06:002010-01-02T20:22:24.658-06:00

Ten things I am thankful for this New Year's Eve-*I haven't thrown up as a result of drinking in over a year*I have not had to lie or smudge a story when talking to people at work about my weekend*I ran a half marathon in March*I haven't woken up in the middle of the night, afraid of what might have happened a few hours before*I picked up my one year chip on December 16*I have met some friends

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-69123002226373832422009-12-28T06:50:00.005-06:002010-01-02T20:22:38.830-06:00

{On a Monday morning}My friend Emily posts about a different topic each Sunday relating to sobriety. I want to, as well.HolidaysJust the thought of holidays is kinda scary to a newly sober person. At least it was to me. I had my last drink on December 16th, meaning Christmas, then New Year's was looming straight ahead. I made it thru Christmas at my parents house with the help of some anti

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-47077534297287703302009-12-26T17:18:00.004-06:002010-01-02T20:24:04.537-06:00

So..... I didn't take a drink last Tuesday when I wanted one. I sent a text to my sponsor and another friend and went to a gathering at my in laws. Once more folks got there I had to focus on my kiddos {and not MYSELF} and the urge passed.Wednesday morning I woke up still in a bit of a funk. I was grumpy and short tempered and basically very sad that I was feeling this way during the week of

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-61727589109504150172009-12-22T15:25:00.003-06:002010-01-02T20:24:33.074-06:00

I want a buzz right now.I want to sip from a straw and feel light headed and start laughing.I want to care less about the dust bunnies on my floor.I want to taste the sting of vodka.I want a buzz right now.But I am not going to drink. Because while I want the fun part of the drinking I don't want the other stuff.The regret.The sickness.The realization that I am weaker than the vodka.I am stronger

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-24111988902792228662009-12-22T09:55:00.003-06:002010-01-02T20:22:58.143-06:00

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back-It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;And if, perhaps, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;That, when the heavens thunder and the

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-70549588952330021462009-12-21T06:40:00.003-06:002010-01-02T20:23:10.484-06:00

I have three babes. A 1st grader, kindergartner and 2 1/2 yr old........not too hard to imagine why I drank ;)I am grateful my children are still young. I am hopeful they won't even remember that I ever drank.But I am not going to hide the fact that I drank from them. Much, ok, all of their extended family drinks. I cannot drill into their heads that alcohol is evil or that people who drink are

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-79622214511390579522009-12-17T08:56:00.003-06:002010-01-02T20:23:45.478-06:00

I headed to a 7 pm meeting. I left my house at 645, stopped to get gas and bought a coke. Just that day my dr prescribed an anti anxiety medicine and I had one in my pocket. I actually had 2 in my pocket, just in case.....As I was pumping the gas I thought, yes, this would be the time to take such a medication. So I took one. Then I took the other one.I arrived in the parking lot. Thought about

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-35693275723732062202009-12-15T20:05:00.004-06:002010-01-02T20:24:50.959-06:00

I was sitting in a Wal Mart parking lot waiting on a phone call. I had had another bad night the Saturday before. This was a Monday and I was in a deep deep pit.I knew I needed help.I had tried before.And failed.Monday I got the email address of a woman at my church known for her recovery efforts. I emailed her, completely in despair. She wrote back, promising to call me that evening. I left the

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-3546189525133104572009-12-03T13:29:00.003-06:002010-01-02T20:24:23.393-06:00

So last night I got so irritated. There is a family friend that decided to get sober shortly after I did. She and I sometimes have covert conversations in the kitchen, or share knowing looks at dinner.Last night we were at a function and I leaned over and said "Two weeks tonight will be a whole year!"She said, "One day at a time J, one day at a time."I know that is the party line. At times that

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-73597881292674067472009-11-29T21:34:00.001-06:002010-02-20T21:15:10.952-06:00

After my first babe I tried to run a little. I was following a walk to run program and just couldn't stick with it. Then I found out I was pregnant with #2. Yep, #1 was 3 months old. After #2 I ran a bit. Pushing a double jogger really ups the ante! After #3 I ran a bit more. A bit further. About a month before my last black out I ran a 5K with two friends. I then decided to run a half marathon

mommaof3http://www.blogger.com/profile/17961285605541924320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7099785552401002080.post-60069072268306677092009-11-28T21:22:00.001-06:002010-01-02T20:23:30.072-06:00

This is my first sober Thanksgiving. Granted, I have been pregnant three previous turkey days, but I never had a problem abstaining when I was pregnant.Dinner at the in laws was great. There was a moment of panic when a friend handed me a champagne flute, but it was sparkling grape juice. Another moment of nostalgia passed when I caught scent of my father in law's red wine, but over all it was

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